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What to say when someone gives you a gift: 27 ways to say “thank you” or decline gracefully
A simple “thank you” may suffice. Or it may not.
Trying to figure out what to say when someone gives you a gift? Let’s start with a simple question: Do you want to accept the gift?
If yes, we’ll give you lots of advice on how to show your gratitude. If the answer is “no,” it’s a different ball of wax. We’ve got you covered for both scenarios.
Speaking of scenarios, perhaps the most important advice is to prepare for moments like this before they happen. Plan the conversation—even role play it in your head—so you walk away feeling good about how you handled the situation.
What to say when someone gives you a gift and you want to show your gratitude
Start with some form of “thank you”
How do you accept a gift gracefully and what do you say when receiving the gift? While the answer may vary based on your relationship with the gift-giver and the value of the gift, here are some graceful ways to show your gratitude:
- Give them a heartfelt “thank you so much.”
- “Thank you. This is incredibly kind/thoughtful/generous of you.”
- “You got this for me? I am so touched.”
- If you feel grateful, tell them. “I am so incredibly grateful for this.”
- Say their name, like “Mary Ellis, I can’t thank you enough for this.
- Give them a sincere, “Thanks, man/love. This is awesome.”
Validate the gift choice
If the gift is something that’s been on your wishlist or one you truly look forward to using, share this with the gift-giver. People take risks with their gift choices and feel validated when they find out their gift is a home run. You may say something like:
- “How did you possibly know I’ve been wanting something like this?”
- “I’ve had my eye on a [item] for a long time and never went through with buying one for myself. This is perfect!”
- “This will go perfectly with [such and such item].”
- “I can’t wait to use the [gift item] when I do [related activity].”
If true, mention how you can enjoy the gift together
If the gift is something the gift-giver can enjoy with you when the two of you are together, share how much you look forward to that:
- “Can’t wait to bring this out next time we’re [doing related activity].”
- “We’ll have to give this baby a spin next weekend.”
- “Let’s bring this with us when we go to [specify destination].”
What to say when someone gives you an expensive gift
Technically the price of a gift shouldn’t matter and you should stick with expressing your gratitude. The main rule is to never make the gift-giver feel uncomfortable with their generosity.
You may have heard people say, “you shouldn’t have.” While the statement is clearly not meant to be literal, it’s still not great etiquette to tell a gift giver they should not have given you a gift. Instead try:
- “This is such a generous gift. Thank you so much!”
- “Wow, I am at a loss for words. This means so much.”
- “This is beyond anything I expected. It is incredibly generous of you.”
- “I will always cherish this.”
- “This made my day/week/month. I can’t wait to [share how you’ll use the item].”
What to say when someone gives you a gift card
If someone gives you a gift card, they either ran out of time/gift ideas or wanted to give you a choice in what to get.
Gift cards can feel somewhat lesser at times. You’re not opening a big gift package and the gift giver didn’t ultimately pick a gift that’s tailor-made for you. At the same time, some may argue a gift card is an even better gift than an item someone thought you might like.
Share what you want to buy with the card
Your main objective should be to make the gift-giver feel pleased about giving you a gift card. You can accomplish that by doing two things: Sharing your excitement and sending a follow up when you purchase something you like with the gift card.
- “I can’t wait to go buy an [item] with this at [store].”
- “You know me so well. I’ll be putting this to good use.”
- “I know exactly what I’ll be doing with this.”
- “I know what I’ll be doing next weekend,” implying you’re chomping at the bit to use the gift card.
Follow up with a thank you card
A really classy next step would be to send you a thank you card where you can talk about what you purchased with the gift card. If you’re not a card person, instead take a picture with the item and send it as a text message.
This will make what started out as a generic gift into something that’s special, individual, and tangible. It also shows you were thinking about the gift card giver when you were making the purchase.
What to say when someone gives you an unexpected gift
Unexpected gifts can be tough because they catch you by surprise. It’s really helpful to role-play these situations so when the time comes the right words come to you easily.
If you are happy about this unexpected gift, start with a solid “thank you.” Try one of the suggestions above. Be sure to share your surprise because it’s probably what the gift-giver was going for in the first place:
- “I wasn’t expecting this, but it means a lot to me.”
- “This is a complete surprise.”
- “This is unexpected but so appreciated.”
- “I had no idea you were planning a gift!”
- “I’m speechless! Thank you.”
Of course, not all unexpected gifts are welcome. So what exactly should you say when someone gives you a gift you don’t want to accept?
What to say when someone gives you a gift you DON'T want to accept
If you find yourself in this situation, know that you’re not alone. Gifts can feel “wrong” for a number of reasons. Maybe it’s someone you don’t know well. Or you have a work relationship that creates a conflict of interest. Maybe you suspect they have an ulterior motive and you don’t want to be obliged to return the favor down the road.
Whatever the reason, if your gut feeling is to decline the gift, listen to your gut. This can be challenging. Most people aren’t comfortable saying, “no” in daily life, let alone when someone is giving them a gift. Once again, some practice goes a long way.
Scenario 1: You aren’t allowed to accept the gift
I worked for a large retailer in the early 2000s and my vendors (sales reps) would often offer me gifts of monetary value. If memory serves me right, my company had a limit of $5 for the value of such gifts. Anything worth more than that would violate company policy. I made plenty of trips to HR to “surrender” some of these gifts. I’m sure they had a big party with all that stuff!
If there is a legal or policy reason you want to turn down a gift, you can say something like, “This is super thoughtful of you, but we have a strict company policy and I’m not allowed to accept gifts. I want you to know I do appreciate the gesture.” You could also suggest that they donate it to a charity.
Scenario 2: It doesn’t feel right
It could be that you barely know each other. Or that the gift is just too lavish. Maybe you suspect the gift-giver wants something in return and that makes you uncomfortable.
I’m not going to pretend this will be easy, but what I can tell you is you will feel much better if you do the right thing in the moment and decline. There are a few ways you could go about this and the answer depends on how you prefer to communicate:
Option 1: Use a direct communication style
In a direct approach, you get right to it. “Wow, this is a really generous gift and I appreciate the gesture, but I’ve got to be honest with you, I can’t accept it.” Optionally, you could go on to lay out your reason. “We haven’t known each other for very long and I don’t feel comfortable receiving a gift of such high value.”
Option 2: Go with a gentler approach
A more indirect, some may call passive-aggressive, approach would be to make this about you, not them. It’s the old, “it’s not you, it’s me” applied to gift-giving. “This is such a generous gift, but I have a thing about gifts. Expensive gifts make me uncomfortable. I am sorry, but I can’t accept this.”
Scenario 3: A persistent gift-giver
Should you double down or deflect?
If you are dealing with a particularly persistent gift-giver, you may need a Plan B. In these cases, you can double down on your original statement until the point is clear. But remember, you’ve made your point, so you have no obligation to keep repeating yourself.
Another option would be to deflect. Deflecting would involve you introducing a third option to break the stalemate of accept or decline. Examples:
- “It would mean a lot more to me if instead we donated money to such and such charity.”
- “Instead of a present, let’s grab dinner sometime. It’d mean a lot more to me.” This would give you the option to choose a not-so-expensive place. More importantly, you get to decline the gift at that moment and can think through how you’d like to proceed.
- “I can’t accept such an expensive gift, but if you insist on buying me something, how about we return this and we can look for something else at the store.” Whether you do this or not is up to you, but a third option like this could break the deadlock.
- “Thank you. I’m still not comfortable accepting this. If you’re not going to take it back, I’d like to donate it to someone in need.” At least you’ll have made it clear you don’t owe them anything in return.
Everyone’s comfort level with saying, “no” is different. When someone gives you a gift you don’t want to accept, the direct, honest approach is likely also the best. Be sure to deliver it gracefully and still thank the gift-giver. If they don’t take it well or get belligerent, there is a chance they’re trying to manipulate you and that’s a big red flag.
